Sweet mornings.

Mornings are usually pretty good around here (although sometimes they start at 5am, which makes me tired, but James and I are both morning folks, so it's not as bad as it could be).  But this morning, I woke at 6:40am and hadn't heard a peep from the tiny boy since I'd put him down at 7pm the night before (rather unusual, especially as of late).  I peeked in his room, and he was just snuggled up in his crib (alive and breathing, which is really all I care about). :)

I went ahead and got up and got his breakfast (oats, prunes & apples) ready, and made breakfast for myself (fruit & Greek yogurt) and even drank a whole 18oz glass of water (something I've been trying to do more of first thing in the morning).  I heard him chatting on the monitor about 7:10am, so we snuggled and nursed, and we each had our respective breakfasts, and then he still had an hour and a half until nap time!  He usually is awake for a max of 2 hours before his first nap, and usually the first hour *at least* is full of getting him up and going, making his food (solids or bottle, or both) and then nursing and feeding him.  Sometimes this all takes longer than an hour, so by the time he is finished eating and dressed and whatnot, it's almost nap time.

Not this morning!  So we went for our first MORNING jog since he's been on the outside!  And it was so nice.  And refreshing.  And good for my spirit.

Morning is by far my favorite time to exercise.  Maybe it's because I love mornings.  And getting outside and moving my body.  When I was pregnant (he was still on the inside, I mean), I always did a morning jog (or walk, in the later weeks).  Since having James on the outside, exercising has been pushed back to 10 or 11am, or even later in the day.  That makes it feel much less enjoyable and more like a chore to me.

I just wanted to remember this morning and how The Lord knew I needed a beautiful, refreshing morning, and He gave of it freely (His mercies are new, y'all...).

(Happy morning baby)

(He looks unhappy here, but he really loves riding in the stroller!)

My favorite boy

Just a reminder that this blog is mostly for us to have to look back and remember all the lovely details from this whirlwind season of our life.  So, warning: this is a gushy post.  But I don't ever want to forget.

I like Stuart so much.  I mean, he's real great.  In every way.  And not a day has passed since knowing him that I haven't been completely humbled that he would even consider liking me back.  And then I had his baby.  I was so afraid that we would lose sight of each other in the midst of the up-all-nights and breastfeeding nightmares and his 16-hour-days-6-or-7-days-a-week work schedule.  We know folks who loved each other, then had kids and lost sight of their callings in marriage.  We didn't want that.  We would be intentional.  We said we would fight for us - to always be the other's first priority (after Christ).  We were ready to do battle to not only maintain, but to strengthen our marriage.

And you know what?  Christ pours grace out to overflowing.  Having a newborn was so much incredibly harder than we expected, partially related to baby's health, and partially due to my high (unrealistic) expectations of myself as a mama.  More than one well-meaning friend asked me if maybe I had postpartum depression, though I kept testing negative at every single visit to the lactation consultant or midwife.  It was just hard.  It is just hard.  And there were few brain cells left to devote to sitting and being intentional and talking thoughtfully with my husband about how our marriage was going for the first three months after James.  But, it turns out we didn't need to.

Every time newborn James would wake, Stuart would be right there beside me figuring out how to get the latch right (or feeding the baby with a syringe and tiny feeding tube while I pumped).  After he went back to work, Stuart never came home and complained about his incredibly long, hard day, but he would listen to me while I did, and held me while I cried over not having a clue how to care for babe.  And he would continue to stay up with us overnight, trying to figure it out.  He's a total rockstar, y'all.  We have this incredible adventure we are on (see James' NICU story below for example), and we aren't each doing it separately and alone.  Can't do it alone.  He is my partner, and because we believe very much in that calling to one another, we aren't at risk for losing "us." Because we don't define and sustain "us."  Christ carries us through and He knits us together.

After having Stuart's son, I like him so much more.  So much more.  Maybe it's because I think James has Stuart's smile, so I'm falling in love with that all over again.  Or maybe it's because Stuart is an incredible dad who adores his family and would rather be spending time with us more than any other thing.  Or maybe it's because Christ has given the two of us a sure foundation in Him, and nothing can touch that.  And He has given us this journey to travel together, figuring out how to raise a tiny human, and because of how God has formed our partnership, we know we'll never be doing it alone.

James' NICU Story

James landed a ticket to the NICU about 5 minutes after birth when the pediatric nurse noticed he was grunting a little with each breath (a sign of distress in newborns) - turns out he had "transient tachypnea of the newborn," where the baby essentially has trouble transitioning from a fluid-filled environment to an air-filled one, resulting in too much fluid staying in the lungs.  The baby naturally tries to "breathe off" that extra fluid by increasing their respiratory rate.  However, that can land you in a dangerous situation, because tiny babies don't have a lot of reserve and can wear themselves out rather quickly doing this.  So, he ended up on continuous monitoring while his little lungs struggled to make that fluid-to-air transition. 

At first, the NICU team wouldn't let us try breast feeding, since eating is like a workout for newborns, and breathing has medical priority over nutrition.  Of course I understood this, but it made me so sad, especially when they had to start an IV with dextrose about hour 4 of life to keep his blood sugar from dropping too low (since they were afraid for him to try eating and then go downhill respiratory-wise).

Sometime Wednesday night (the day he was born), I was holding James in the NICU and he was very fussy (also bad for a baby with respiratory issues - crying takes a lot of energy and can deplete oxygen reserves in baby's blood, increasing his respiratory distress since he wasn't breathing very efficiently already).  He was also showing LOTS of hunger signs (rooting, sucking on hands, etc.) so the nurse and I decided to try putting him to the breast just for some soothe-sucking, and guess what!  His respirations and oxygen levels looked BETTER on the monitor, not worse!  Of course my milk was not in yet, but over the next day or so, he was able to breast feed as it started to come in and his blood sugar leveled out and they stopped the IV fluids.

Having that extra hydration the first day had given him tons of wet diapers in the first 24 hours (usually they only have 1 or 2).  When they stopped the IV fluids, he didn't have a wet diaper for 12 hours and then they started freaking out about him getting dehydrated (this was on Friday night/Saturday morning) - also he had a few other factors that set him up for risk of dehydration, like breathing too rapidly over a few days, as you lose fluid by evaporation from your mucus membranes through breathing, and this can happen pretty quickly in little babies.

Meanwhile, his respiratory issues were continuing to resolve (which is what you expect with transient tachypnea - it just resolves), but they were concerned about hydration now (Stu & I think it was significantly related to a rebound from being on IV fluids).  Anyways, so the NICU team started running a bunch of labs every couple hours to watch his hydration status & I was breast feeding like crazy to try and re-hydrate (praise God he didn't have to go back on the IV, bc I think it would have just perpetuated this cycle).

Saturday morning during rounds, the docs noted that his sodium levels were a little high (an objective measure of hydration) and they would just recheck it that night and see how he was the next morning.  Thankfully, Stuart was there and told them that we were ready to go home and didn't want to wait another 24 hours to see how this would play out.  So they agreed to check the lab again a little sooner that afternoon, and started to get everything else checked off for discharge (hearing test, Hep B vaccine, setting up the first pediatrician appt, etc.).  They told us since he was doing so well that IF the sodium level came back looking better that afternoon, and since we were in healthcare and knew exactly what kinds of things for watch for in terms of hydration and respiratory risks/changes, and since we had our first pediatrician appointment on Monday (very soon after discharge), then we could take him home Saturday.  So we prayed all day for the sodium level to come back normal, and were assured that everything else was taken care of for discharge.  The first lab they sent ended up not being enough blood to get an accurate level, so 2 hours later they stuck him again and sent a second sample.  The result from that sample actually looked WORSE than it had on his morning labs!  But the docs said this didn't make sense because he was very much improving in all the other signs/symptoms of hydration, so they didn't trust that lab result.  So, they sent a THIRD sample and we waited for it to come back.  By the time we got that result, it was 9pm on Saturday, but it came back improved and they said we could go home WOO!

We got everything packed up, and at 9:45pm I was feeding him one last time before our car ride home, and they nurse says "Oh, we have to do the car seat test... it's 90 minutes long."  And we just lost it.  The car seat test is where the baby has to sit in the car seat for 90 minutes to prove they won't die or something, and in NC any premature baby or any baby that is in the NICU for a respiratory problem has to do this test.  However, the attending physician earlier in the day said that James did NOT have to do this test since his respiratory issue had resolved, and he wasn't a premie.  But, all the nurse knew to do was protocol (which I completely understand) because that doctor had not documented anywhere that James didn't have to do the test.  So, I sat in the floor of the NICU sobbing, with James screaming in his car seat for about 30 minutes, while Stuart went out looking for the doctors on call that night in the NICU.

After about half an hour, Stuart came back and said that we could go - the night doctor had talked to the day doctor and clarified that James did NOT have to do the test (although he had done 30 minutes already - twice the time it takes us to get home) and that we were leaving.  The nurse confirmed all of this, and made sure it was documented in our discharge summary this time :)

James was already in his car seat, so I didn't even take him out to put on his going-home outfit, and just carried his car seat out in my hand since I had already been discharged.  We finally went down and got in the car about 10:30pm and got home around 11:00pm.

So, that's our fairy-tale story of how we brought our first baby home from the hospital.  No going-home outfit, no riding out in a wheelchair carrying my baby.  Just running as fast as we could to escape!  It was SO good to be home.  And the next morning was just bliss - sitting by our Christmas tree drinking hazelnut coffee and listening to Christmas music with our perfect, hydrated, breathing baby :)  That's the story of James' first four days of life, and as much as parts of it sucked, I know I wouldn't change a thing about our first adventure with our sweet new babe.

Recently

We've been sickly around here - running fevers and not sleeping well. But here are some photos from the past two weeks...

a typical day: 5 months

James usually wakes between 6:30 and 7am (although a rough morning could start as early as 5am).  The tiny boy usually wakes up this mama by talking sweetly into his monitor with little babbles, although sometimes he throws in a pig squeal or pterodactyl scream for good measure.  I go to his room, where he is flopped over onto his belly in his crib, and he does a superman stretch until I pick him up for some snuggles.  He is the happiest morning baby.

We usually go lay in my bed and nurse first thing, then head downstairs for some supplement (as of this week, this includes some solids, then a bottle of soy formula).  After he eats, we walk outside to check out our garden (and see which plants the rabbits chose for their snack overnight :/).  Next, we play on the couch or the floor, reading books and singing songs while mama drinks her coffee.  About 2 hours after he wakes, James is quite ready for his first nap.  I turn off his lights, turn on his white noise, snuggle and sing for a moment, then lay him down fully awake in his crib.  He always immediately rolls to his belly and sucks his thumb. Within a few minutes, he is (usually) asleep.

I use this first nap to briefly get ready, eat breakfast, do yoga, read some scripture and do some journaling.  James will nap anywhere from 30 minutes to 1.5 hours right now.  Whenever he wakes from his first nap, he hops in the stroller and we go for a jog (sometimes yard work is substituted here, and he sits outside in the stroller or in his Zebra chair while I work).  The tiny boy LOVES to be outside.

After our jog, he nurses and has a second bottle.  Afterwards, he is usually ready for a second nap, so down he goes, just like the first.  I usually shower, eat lunch, clean the kitchen and work on laundry during the second nap.

After he wakes from his second nap, he gets some time to practice eating solids, then it is usually the best time for us to run errands - go to Target, the grocery store (Trader Joe's is his favorite - I think he likes all the bright colors there, with a close second favorite of Whole Foods - probably because he gets to ride in the Moby wrap since their shopping carts are too small for his carseat), pick up some baked goods from Foster's Market, go to Lowe's after working in the yard and realizing there's always more and more to go get... Or sometimes we'll just get out of the house and go get coffee, meet up with friends or even visit Stuart at work.

After our outing (or sometimes during), he nurses again and has another bottle.  When we get home, he is usually more than ready to go down for his third nap.  I usually try to start dinner prep during this nap, or wrap up other chores and laundry.  Or sometimes I just knit :)  It mostly depends on how our day has gone so far.

When he wakes from his third nap, he gets some more solids.  We then spend the evening trying to kill time until 6:15 or so, when his bedtime routine starts.  Sometimes we'll go for a short walk or sit outside or run a brief errand.  If we stay busy, he's the happiest baby.  But if he starts to get bored during these evening hours, he gets rather fussy (especially if naps haven't gone so well).

Around 6pm, he nurses for a bit, then we plop him in his little bathtub.  He loves bath time, so sometimes we hang out there for half an hour (or until the water gets cold), then we put on lotion and PJs. Finally, he takes his last bottle in his room while sitting in the rocking chair.  We've been reading through the Winnie the Pooh series that his P\PAW gave him.  Lately Stuart has been home for the bedtime routine, so he gives James his bottle while I read Pooh to my two boys. Then we snuggle the baby, sing him a little song and lay him down for the night at 7pm.  And that's a day!

A note (mostly for myself to remember, but also for anyone who is curious):  for several weeks, we did everything solely based on James' cues and wrote it all down in detail.  We noticed several patterns in his routine occurring, which helped us establish a bit of a transition to parent-directed routines.  We took what we noticed he was already doing, and structured it a bit.  For us, this was mostly at his bedtime.  Within a few days of us establishing a set bedtime routine at a consistent time everyday (and after he learned how to fall asleep on his own) he started sleeping 10 or 11 hours every night, which amazed us!

From here, I'm so curious to see how his routines change over time!

James gets sick :(

James has a little cold. :( Although, it's not the first time he's been sick.  His first cold was when he was about ten days old, over Christmas.  It was miserable.  This time isn't as bad, but I think that's because he's bigger and stronger (all of him, including his airways) so he's not having as much trouble breathing as he did with the first cold.

But the tiny boy is pitiful.

Runny nose, sneezes, a little cough, watery eyes, feeling a bit warm (although no fever according to the thermometer), not wanting to eat much... He slept tons today, although that could be because he was up a lot last night being sad and pitiful and needing snuggles.

He was laying on my shoulder and whimpering this evening.  I went to take a photo, and this happened:

The boy loves to have his picture taken.  Even when he's feeling lousy :)

James goes swimming.

Our neighborhood pool opened on Saturday, and we had big plans of taking our little guy to play for the first time.  And then it rained all weekend. Womp womp.  But yesterday evening, the sun finally came out, and we had about an hour before James' bedtime routine started, so we took off to the pool (although Stuart wasn't home yet, so we'll have to go back with him soon).  It was nice and warm (read: humid!) by the time we go there, so James and I were both ready to cool off.  We hung out in the shade for a few minutes while I gave him a pep talk about being a big boy in the cold water (and changing him into his swim diaper), then we hopped in.

At first he had a few words of concern about the water temperature - not very warm like his little bathtub!  But then I showed him how he could splash his arms and legs, just like in the tub, and he was thrilled to do that until we got out (although he was shivering just a tad).

We lasted about 15 minutes in the water, mostly because I was nervous about sunburn.  Our ped recommended waiting until 6 months to put sunscreen on him, and even then to only use it if we absolutely must - shade and clothing protect better and are deemed safer for little baby skin than sunscreen chemicals, she says.

Then we snuggled on the towels for a while and walked home.  We are so blessed to have a great trail that runs through our neighborhood and around a lake, so this is how we get to the pool (and to a great little playground when James is a bit older!).  We can't wait for the weather to improve so we can go swimming everyday!