Just a reminder that this blog is mostly for us to have to look back and remember all the lovely details from this whirlwind season of our life. So, warning: this is a gushy post. But I don't ever want to forget.
I like Stuart so much. I mean, he's real great. In every way. And not a day has passed since knowing him that I haven't been completely humbled that he would even consider liking me back. And then I had his baby. I was so afraid that we would lose sight of each other in the midst of the up-all-nights and breastfeeding nightmares and his 16-hour-days-6-or-7-days-a-week work schedule. We know folks who loved each other, then had kids and lost sight of their callings in marriage. We didn't want that. We would be intentional. We said we would fight for us - to always be the other's first priority (after Christ). We were ready to do battle to not only maintain, but to strengthen our marriage.
And you know what? Christ pours grace out to overflowing. Having a newborn was so much incredibly harder than we expected, partially related to baby's health, and partially due to my high (unrealistic) expectations of myself as a mama. More than one well-meaning friend asked me if maybe I had postpartum depression, though I kept testing negative at every single visit to the lactation consultant or midwife. It was just hard. It is just hard. And there were few brain cells left to devote to sitting and being intentional and talking thoughtfully with my husband about how our marriage was going for the first three months after James. But, it turns out we didn't need to.
Every time newborn James would wake, Stuart would be right there beside me figuring out how to get the latch right (or feeding the baby with a syringe and tiny feeding tube while I pumped). After he went back to work, Stuart never came home and complained about his incredibly long, hard day, but he would listen to me while I did, and held me while I cried over not having a clue how to care for babe. And he would continue to stay up with us overnight, trying to figure it out. He's a total rockstar, y'all. We have this incredible adventure we are on (see James' NICU story below for example), and we aren't each doing it separately and alone. Can't do it alone. He is my partner, and because we believe very much in that calling to one another, we aren't at risk for losing "us." Because we don't define and sustain "us." Christ carries us through and He knits us together.
After having Stuart's son, I like him so much more. So much more. Maybe it's because I think James has Stuart's smile, so I'm falling in love with that all over again. Or maybe it's because Stuart is an incredible dad who adores his family and would rather be spending time with us more than any other thing. Or maybe it's because Christ has given the two of us a sure foundation in Him, and nothing can touch that. And He has given us this journey to travel together, figuring out how to raise a tiny human, and because of how God has formed our partnership, we know we'll never be doing it alone.
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