James' birth story

In honor of James' upcoming first birthday, I wrote out his birth story below.  Deciding to share it with others was a hard decision, because it was one of the most personal experiences I've ever had (maybe even more so than my wedding day).  But there is something so magical and mysterious and glorious about birth, so sharing it only seems right.  (This post contains some TMI, but if you're choosing to read a birth story, I assume you already know that.)

Baby's due date, Monday 12/10/12, came and went.  I had been to see the midwife, she had stripped my membranes, and I was waiting patiently (ok, that's a lie... Waiting anxiously, really!).  On my due date, I was 1cm dilated and 50% effaced.  That sounded pretty okay, I figured.  Stuart had his bet running that we would go into labor by Friday, so I was just trying my best to stay busy and be patient.

My friend Hannah came over the next day (Tuesday) and we went for a long walk (maybe 4 miles?) around the trails in my neighborhood and it was so good to spend some time with her - I feel like it really quieted my spirit.  I spent the rest of the day furiously cleaning the house (which was not abnormal those days...), and it looked spic and span by the time Stuart called me around 6pm to tell me he was on his way home from work.  

Toward the end of the phone conversation, I was trying to tell Stuart that dinner would be ready about the time he would get home, but I had a contraction that took my breath away and I was unable to speak.  He figured I was just done talking, so he said goodbye and hung up (who hangs up before the other person says "goodbye" as well??)!  Stuart was home about 10 minutes later, and when he was chatting with me in the kitchen, he saw me stop mid-sentence, put my hands on the sink and have another contraction.  He laughed out loud!  Now, the contractions didn't really hurt (yet), but they weren't comfortable.  I was so mad that he was laughing at me (Did I look funny?  Is that not what you're supposed to do during a contraction?  Did he like that I was uncomfortable?) and he hugged me so tight and told me No!  That he was only so, so excited that we were going to have a baby!  So, that was sweet, and he was forgiven.  He went on to tell me that it would be a good night to be in true labor, because not only did he have a presentation that he was supposed to do at work the next day (that he would rather miss), but our favorite midwife was on call that night!  He got down and talked to my belly, telling baby these things and that he/she should just hurry on out.

We sat down to have dinner, and every so often I would have to get up and sway through a contraction, or get down on my hands and knees because my back would get rather uncomfortable with this crazy amount of pressure during each contraction.  Stuart was timing the contractions, but not letting me see the progress, which really, I didn't mind!  It was nice to just go with it and let my body work and relax into the rhythm of it instead of thinking and processing and timing.  I didn't have to think about or analyze any of it since Stuart was doing that part, and it all felt very natural.  After dinner, Stuart showed me that he had brought home two cupcakes from a party at the hospital, and I remember thinking that I would have to eat the cupcake really fast so that I could enjoy it and it not be interrupted by a contraction.  Another memory - when we got home from the hospital with James several days later, Stuart's cupcake was still sitting there on the table.  He never ate his!

After dinner, we contemplated going for a walk, since we had read several places that staying active can really help things progress along (little did we know I would not need any help progressing at all...), but it was dark and chilly outside, and the thought of getting in the car, driving to the mall (which is huge and indoors and good for walking) and walking around there was not appealing.  Not to mention the idea of working through contractions in public, and what if my water broke!  So, we stayed home and watched Netflix.  We got half way through one episode of Alias when I feel like the contractions got way serious.

At this point, I still wasn't sure if I was really in labor, or if it would peter out, or what.  I knew that Stuart would have to contact his chief at some point if this was real, because he wouldn't be going in to work the next day, but I hadn't seen him text or call anyone, so I figured he didn't think this was really happening, either.

Back to Netflix... The contractions seemed to be coming a bit closer together, so we'd pause the show for a bit while I breathed and focused on relaxing, and I think it was about this time Stuart began having to coach me a bit.  He would tell me to relax my face, my jaw, my eyes.  Relax my hands, to lay my fingers open.  And breathe.  This helped, and in hindsight, I think influenced how (relatively) quickly I progressed, because my body did not fight the work that it was doing.  But we were pausing the show so frequently, that it didn't seem worth watching anymore (funny enough, that was the last episode of Alias we ever watched).  We tried several positions to help ease the discomfort, but gosh my back hurt so much with each one.  But my wrists and knees were getting sore from staying in an all-fours position.  We realized what we needed was a yoga ball, which we planned to use, knowing that the hospital had one for us to use.  But we didn't plan very well, because we wanted to mostly labor at home!

So we were sitting in our bedroom, working through contractions, trying to figure out what to do next.  I also remember saying that maybe I should try eating something, but the idea got lost, and I never did.  In hindsight, I wish we had planned better for this, because I was a bit dehydrated and hypoglycemic by the time baby arrived hours later.

It was about 9:30pm, and we decided that Target was still open, and they had yoga balls, so we would just go get one.  I was afraid for Stuart to leave me by myself, so I considered going with him.  But then I had another contraction and realized what a terrible idea that was!  Stuart said there was only one sure-fire way to know if this was real, and that was to see if I was having any cervical changes from these contractions.  (We prepared ahead of time to do this at home - we had sterile gloves nc sterile lube, and I married an OB!). So, before the Target trip, he checked and I was 4cm, about 90% effaced.  This was the real deal!

He filled the tub for me, thinking this would be the best way for me to relax while he was gone, then he ran out to Target.  Meanwhile, he notified his chief that he wouldn't be coming in the morning, and he also called and talked to Meg, the midwife on call.  She said that as long as I was feeling baby move, not having any heavy bleeding, and coping well, that she was comfortable with us staying at home.

The next several hours are kind of a blur, but I remember Stuart returning from Target and trying to blow up the yoga ball as fast as he could, me swaying on the yoga ball and leaning over onto the bed for what seemed like hours, laying on the bed on my right side with Stuart for a bit (turns out I actually fell asleep in between each contraction for about 2 hours - I suppose my body needed the rest!).  Sometime during this blur, I started breathing and flapping my lips during the contractions.  It was all I could do to not start yelling out (which is not helpful for progress, and hard to stop once you start).  I tried low groans, which Ina May (love her!) suggests for coping through hard contractions, but it just didn't do it for me.

At one point, I did have quite a bit of bloody mucus, which Stuart said was a good sign, and he checked my cervix again.  6cm!  I remember feeling nervous that I wasn't progressing, so I was so thrilled.  He called Meg again, and she suggested heading on in to the hospital.  He scrambled around and loaded everything into the car (including the yoga ball, which I insisted on for some reason, even though the hospital has them there).  The following photo was our last family portrait in our bedroom before we became a family of three!

We texted our parents to let them know, and left home around 2:30am.  It normally takes 15 minutes to get to UNC Hospital from our house, but Stuart got us there in under 10 minutes.  The car contractions were the worst, not being able to move or change positions, and my back hurt so, so much.  We pulled up in front of the hospital, and I just got out and made a beeline for L&D.  Somewhere along the way, Stuart got all of our bags, handed our keys to the Valet guy, and fought off a security guard who wanted me to ride in a wheelchair and almost called a code stork on us (the hospital code that is called if a lady is about to pop out a baby, such as in the ED, or the lobby, like me).  I think the security guard got nervous when I dropped to my hands and knees twice in the middle of the lobby to breathe through contractions.  This was the only time in my whole labor that I got a little cross with someone: he wanted to put me in a wheelchair, but it was most uncomfortable in a sitting position, and it felt better to be upright and walk at this point.  However, he (mistakingly) insisted, to which I replied, "I DO NOT WANT A WHEELCHAIR."

Pretty good, if that's as mean as I got, right?

We arrived to L&D, I had a contraction that I breathed through standing at the main nursing station, said hello to Stuart's co-residents that were on call, and waddled into deliver room #2 around 3am.  Their policy is 15 minutes of monitoring to make sure baby is doing alright through labor, the. Intermittent monitoring since I was low risk.  During that 15 minutes, our nurse Mindy placed an IV (something I had considered refusing in our birth plan, but Stuart was very uncomfortable with the idea, so I opted to have a med-lock).  She was awesome - quiet and totally  unintrusive, but very encouraging and coached me during contractions as she would come in to check the intermittent monitoring.  Meanwhile, Meg checked and told us that I was 7cm and fully effaced, and these next couple of hours were going to the be most intense.  She also told us that baby was anterior, which we were happy to hear (a baby who is "sunny side up," or posterior, can often cause back pain during labor and slow the progress of labor because it's not the ideal position for it's exit, so we were glad that whatever was causing my back labor was not the baby's position).  While we waited for the 15 minutes to end, Meg used some counter-pressure on my back since I had to stay relatively still to get a good strip.  She is so good with her hands!  Baby and contractions were looking good, so we got the monitor off, and into the jet tub I went!

I was in the tub for maybe an hour, and it was such a relief.  We were able to position one of the jets to shoot water directly at my lower back, and I was able to relax back and lay in the water for a while.  What a relief for my tired body (and aching back).  Stuart sat outside the tub and poured water over my belly.  The contractions were super, super intense at this point, but I remember feeling like I was in a spa, just totally relaxed in between contractions.  After a while, Stuart noticed that my contractions were seeming a little different, or maybe rather that I was responding differently to the contractions as they came, and he asked if I was feeling any pressure super low or the need to push.  I think at this point, I didn't even know, but I did find myself sort of grunting to get through a contraction, rather than just the horse lip breathing (funny visual, and I'm sure it looked funny, but gosh that breathing technique worked for me!).

They got me out of the tub, and I felt like I had to pee really badly.  I sat in the bathroom for several minutes and had some contractions.  Once I was out of the water, I feel like I suddenly knew that it was time to push.  And my body was starting to do it, even though I hadn't really been aware, and there was no stopping it!  I had wanted to deliver squatting or standing or sitting, but all of those positions were too uncomfortable to maintain during a contraction because of the back labor.  Meg and Mindy raised the hed of the bed to 45 degrees and put a bunch of pillows under me, and I got to sort of lay on my belly at an incline while pushing (second best to being on hands and knees, but was able to relax and rest in between contractions).  Meg checked me again at this point and told me I was complete, except for a little, tiny anterior lip of the cervix sticking out in front of baby's head.  We chatted briefly about pushing against it and seeing if it would slip over on it's own, but I had read that pushing against any part of the cervix could cause swelling and slow progress.  Meg then offered to slide the remaining part just past the baby's head during the next contraction.  I had read that Ina May did this often, and since she's queen of the midwives, I felt comfortable with this intervention.  During the next contraction, Meg did this little maneuver, and it was so extraordinarily painful (I think I was screaming...), but it worked!

Meg told me to do just do my thing and let my body lead me into pushing.  After the second or third contraction, my water broke while pushing.  I had sort of forgotten that my water breaking would be part of the process, so it surprised me when it happened!  Thankfully, Mindy, the skilled L&D nurse that she is, was able to handle the mess on the bed, and I didn't even notice it again after that.

No one said a word to coach me in regards to pushing after this point, and in hindsight, I am so thankful.  Stuart had music playing (Andrew Peterson's Christmas album, I think), and he, Meg and Mindy were there at the bedside supporting me, but not telling me what to do.  I really just let my body give in to whatever urges it had, and I sort of yell-pushed through contractions for a little while. I remember Stuart giving me sips of ginger ale and putting chap stick on me.  He even offered to fix my hair for me at one point.  Thousands of husband points to that guy!

All of a sudden, Meg told me to reach down and feel the baby's head.  At this moment, I froze.  A wave a terror washed over me, and I was so afraid to go any further into this!  For some reason, being able to feel the baby' head made all of it so real, and I started to lose a grip on everything.  How in the world did I think I could do this?!  I started to say "it hurts!!" and Meg and Stuart had to talk me a little bit through my fears.  Stuart kept saying, "You're doing it!" and somehow, just like that, the fear was gone.

A few moments later, baby's head was crowning, and I had this incredibly, uncontrollable urge to GET.IT.OUT.  I had hoped to be patient and let everything stretch to decrease risk for tears, but I couldn't do it.  (This is the only thing I'd like to prepare better for next time.)  Meg and Stuart told me to stop pushing at one point in the middle of a contraction, but I just felt like I couldn't.  I think with the next contraction, James was here!  After pushing for 45 minutes total, I ended up giving birth on my knees, on top of the bed.  I reached down and grabbed James, and held him up in the air to see if he was a boy or girl (probably could have snuggled him a little first, but we wanted to know!).  A boy!

I did have a small tear, and Meg took care of that for me while we got to do some skin-to-skin time for 5 minutes before they whisked James Younger away to the NICU (you can read our NICU story here). 

I am so grateful that we attempted (and achieved!) an unmedicated birth.  I am so thankful for midwives who are bold enough to practice in a hospital setting.  I am so very, very thankful for a husband who supported me.  It was absolutely the most incredible, intense thing I have ever had the privilege to experience.  I look forward to doing it again some day.